My name is Evadne Cavell and I have an embarrassing secret.
I go to dark theaters and let anonymous men fondle me in the dark.
Why do I do this?
Because I’m the proverbial “good girl,” the youngest daughter of a prominent family.
Because I teach at a private Denver college and have to deal with a new administration intent on taking the “liberal” out of liberal arts.
Because I need a way to vent my sexual frustration. Men aren’t interested in big, beautiful Black women like me—not out in the open anyway.
I have to stay in control. I lost control three years ago–in public–and live in fear of being exposed.
At the same time, I want to be an object—touched, petted, wanted—desired—but by my rules.
Then I meet Joshua Delaney, a graphic artist from Texas who has me breaking my rules faster than you can say“Ride me, cowboy!” Soon I’m doing things with him I’ve never done before.
We’re a good match. We both have secrets. But I’ve caught Joshua in one major lie already. Can I really trust him at all?
The pressure is building inside me and it’s making me reckless. I can’t go on like this forever.
How can I live and love my life when society feels entitled to shame and define me?